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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Hime Mugen's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]
Sunday, February 1st, 2004
11:48 am
Last Post in Public
I'm going Friends Only again, and staying that way. And I might just kill off this account and get another username so I can write what I want in peace to my friends and not for the lurking eyes of fucking harpies from the past.

A special thanks to the cunt who caused this, and a reminder:

Guess what? I can write what I want in my journal. I can feel how I want. I can express what I want. I can grieve if I want. I don't expect you to understand, becuase it doesn't involve you, you carcass-feeding vulture; though you've been a splendid representative of the one person I would *like* some resolution from, you aren't him, and therefore, you hold no say or authority in any of this!

I can mourn my ex-friend if I want; he was a big part of my life for four years, and it's no one's goddamn business if I choose to try and mend lingering hurt, whether it's through anger or sadness. Who are you to judge one who hasn't gotten over something when you're still lurking about your boyfriend's ex-best-friend's livejournal, for fuck's sake?

Quite possibly in everyone's eyes, I'm deemed pathetic because I still miss him after six months. So be it. I'm pathetic because I cared about someone. So sorry if that's deemed "obsessed" or "psychotic" as you lovingly referred to it in a letter to my FUCKING boss.

And how dare you make claims about my personal life like you know a goddamn thing about it. You should be ashamed, and if you claim you never did anything to me before, you sure have now. You have some brass balls talking about jeopardizing my legal application for permanent residency (again, you know about it, so who is still wandering around old pastures here?) or my mental stability and my so-called "psychiatric care."

And any ideas about legal harrassment is a joke. A fucking joke. Last time I checked, I didn't invade anyone's space, I didn't sent mail with a bomb in it or cut and paste letters with a threat. I haven't even mentioned your name, you little cunt. So get over yourself. You are to humans what camel vomit is to gourmet food,
a spineless worm who deserves nothing but my contempt and dismissal. To call you a fuckwit is an insult to fuckwits worldwide. It sickens me to think that through some grand cosmic joke, I have to share even a molecule of oxygen with your snivelling, self-righteous nose.

Goddamn bitch.

I fucking hate people.

That's it. I'm gone.
Saturday, January 31st, 2004
9:08 pm
The Element of Water
Congrats. You are Water.


What is your Element of Influence?
brought to you by Quizilla
Friday, January 30th, 2004
4:55 pm
Beating that dead horse again... not that it does anything
I've been going through my deleted emails in order to try and stave off this damned MyDoom virus that's sending me shit daily.

In my deleted folder? I find old mails. Mails that prove to me that I never did have any intention of fucking over my old friend and getting him fired from the site I work at.

It makes me so sad to be reminded of it, but it also makes me stronger, if not a little incredulous that so much shit happened so fast, with so little motivation.


See below:


To: **** and *****
Sent: Monday, July 28, 2003 5:57 PM
Subject: Wait a Minute!!

"By no means did I mean for any of this to result in L. getting kicked off of BeWrite. That was my last intention, and I would be very, very upset to see that happen, especially because of something I wrote. I wrote to you, ****, becuase I wasn't sure how to handle things. I wasn't dismissing him as a whole - I just didn't know what the guidelines were when someone asks for another edit.

Please reconsider this. It's not worth canning him, I'm telling you. Just because we're having a spat doesn't mean anything. You have to also realize that this is going to really put an awful tone on my friendship with L., since it's obvious that due to my remarks, you're making a final decision. If you want to call me, my number is (***)*******, but I'm askign you as an editor and a friend to not yet be so rash. Please."


Further comments from a staff member that also make me realize that all this crap was a long time coming:


"if he does come back thinking it was down to you, refer him to me, to be honest some of the emails I've received from him have been a bit off, more the tone than the actual content and have sometimes got my back up and I hardly ever deal with him! In no way was it down to you that L. has been removed, it's rather a culmination of things that's been brought to the fore front. You shouldn't have to deal with an author like that, whether they are a friend or not. Your hard work doesn't deserve that."


Oh, and there's this, proving that I never had any intention of ripping off ex-friend's copyrighted characters, in a dual story we wrote, directly contradicting the claim that I would be low enough to do such a thing. Notice the date between this mail and the first one, when the whole mess went down:



Sent: Wednesday, July 30, 2003 1:05 AM
To: ******
Subject: Neither Heaven Nor Space

"Sorry for the email overload. I was wondering, when you have a
moment, I have to ask for you to remove "Neither Heaven Nor Space" from both
the DARK SIDE OF LOVE anthology and my own personal link. It has a
character copyrighted by L., and it'd be best if the story just
disappeared."


*sigh*

What a bunch of nonsense.

Current Mood: morose
Wednesday, January 28th, 2004
1:56 pm
Music junkie!
One of my favorite things to do is to troll around for new music. I love, love spending a few hours on the internet and going from site to site, magazine to review to whatever, and just look for something that's just come out, or that's underground and I haven't heard before. Then I try to find an audio file (Amazon.com is usually decent) and if it sounds interestnig, I'll download it.

Words cannot express how I love fresh music, music in general. There is nothing better than listening to a song that hasn't been played on the radio. I also love sending those songs to people, and then two or three months later, finding out that that particular band has gotten popular. Gives me a chuckle. :-)

I remember a recent one where I sent a CD of the band The Donnas to a friend way back last spring or so. Later that summer, they're all over the radio and everyone loved them. Same goes for Damien Rice. Found him last year, absolutely loved his stuff and gobbled it up. Now he's all mainstream. ;-)

Oh, but I love him anyways. Dreamy. O_o

Every month, I have about 10 new songs that I'm obsessed with. Currently I have over 600 MP3's on my computer alone. *^_^*

On my playlist:

The Stars "Elevator Love Song"
Pilate "Into Your Hideout" (most Canadians probably already know this one)
The Shins "So Says I"
Flaming Lips "Do You Realize"
Elbow "Don't Mix Your Drinks"
Nelly Furtado "Powerless" (beats and banjo, baby)
Air "Alone in Kyoto"
Damien Rice (check him out!) "Amie" "The Professor" "Volcano"
Coldplay "God Put a Smile Upon Your Face"
War "Spill the Wine"

Current Mood: amused
Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
5:34 pm
Today was my first step....
...to becoming a part-time American. *grins* Never a full citizen (I AM CANADIAN) but the green card application was accepted today, finally. Which is a good thing, and means it's just more waiting and one interview before I get a work permit and can stay in the country without loads of hassle. Oh, and go home to Canada to see my family FINALLY, without fear of prosecution.

Actually at the INS office, I met the SWEETEST man who was waiting in the lobby. He was from Senegal, Africa, had very heavily accented English, and was stuck because his lawyer had forgotten to mention that he needed an original birth certificate to move ahead with his paperwork. This was a problem becuase he works nights and it's hard to take hours out of the day to wait for immigration officers to see you. We talked, and he told me how he'd only lived in the states for two years, took three months of school to learn English grammar, and learned the rest from the news, television, and people like me. *^_^* He was so courteous and nice, he touched my shoulder when I had to go wishing me the best of luck and thanks. *^_^*

The rest of the day was, again, one big cold headache. For the last week, every day I come home, I have a roaring headache and I feel absolutely horrible. Which means I'm not inspired to do schoolwork or write or much of anything, which makes me feel worse for being lazy, though I am listening to piano music and mimicking the movements to get the feel of being a pianist, something I'm attempting to write about. *^_^*

I *do* have these cool little designs in black ink that I put on my hands and figners during class. *^_^* I got bored. I like to draw on myself. People were looking at me like I was nuts. *^_^*

It reminds me of a time with my nephew, I think it was Thanksgiving. I was wearing a skirt (!) and on the couch. He comes over and wants to color with me with his new markersand coloring books. So we color, and he slips, and he puts a big mark up my bare leg. Kills himself laughing. Everyone's aghast. I could give a shit. *^_^* I encouraged him, and after a bit of hesitancy, he drew all over my legs. So I walked around the rest of the day with marker legs. I thought it was great - hey, encourage the kids! I never understood why people have such a big problem with remaining clean and perfect looking. Give me a kid drawing on me anyday. *^_^*

So... yeah. That's the news. Nothing special, just me.

Current Mood: pensive
Monday, January 26th, 2004
8:44 pm
I will not fret... I will not worry....
OK, I will a little. *^_^* It's in my nature, I'm sorry! Jodi put it a good way - I'm like those people in the sumo wrestler suits who falls on the other. I'm fiercely protective in that smothering, smooshy way. *^_^*

I know she'll be fine after tomorrow. I just wish I could be there. Miss her. *^_^*

Today was bloody awful. The cold here is absolutely brutal, and the heat has been flaky on campus, so my first two classes this morning had little heat throughout. By the time I got to work, I had such a bad chill it took a couple of hours to get rid of it through work and layers (had to leave my hat on) Plus, the cold gave me the start of a migraine, which I fought throughotu the day and only managed to get rid of when I got home at 6pm, ate, took a bunch of Advil and crashed on the couch.

I feel like shit. I've felt like shit for the past week. I just hope that some kind of routine will develop and be tolerable, and I won't feel so damn crappy all the time. *^_^*

One bright spot was I got a really interesting idea for a future story / script. I have to look at it a bit more, but it could be really cool if I find the right vein to follow.

Current Mood: cold
Sunday, January 25th, 2004
5:35 pm
Ah, my father
It's such a weird, touch and go relationship. He just called me out of the blue just to see how I was doing. We chatted about things for about fifteen minutes and then he signed off, promising to keep up with his promise to call me now and again.

It's funny to hear him say that. I've been telling him for years, "Hey, Dad, the phone works both ways," because I'd always call and he'd be gone at work, New York or Santa Barbara or whatever (my dad's a workaholic) Then he'd get upset because we never spoke. It's because of that, plus my long-standing hatred of his harpy wife (number four!) that things have gotten messed up between us, and I have become the prototype of the "resentful, ungrateful daughter." *^_^* Or "timid wimp" as my stepmother likes to call me.

Problem is... my dad is so sweet. To the core, he's just this big bumbling pleasant guy who ambles through life, falls asleep in front of the television at 9pm and calls me "Princess" to this day. It's near impossible to be angry at him, but I do sometimes, and we have fought.

I guess I just wonder what's going to happen between us in the future. I get a sense of real.... sadness from my father these days. Like some low-grade depression. And I wonder what he's thinking, if he's regretting his life in a way, having pretty much chosen work over his kids, moving further and further away, and as a result, has a wonky, uncomfortable relationship with both his kids. And I don't know what to say about it.

I don't know WHAT I'd say about it, because I don't know what he wants. Does he WANT to be closer to Mac and I? Does he want forgiveness, or an explanation, or just to justify himself? Does he miss us? I wonder that, and I know that's a silly question to ask of a parent, but I have to admit, there's some long-standing doubt and hurt about how important Mac and I are to him. I know Mac, my twenty-seven year old brother, has a lot of repressed anger towards our father that is spilling out in outbursts like: "if I have children, I'll never do to them what Dad did to us."

It's so weird, like a thin wall that I keep up when he's around or when I'm talking to him, a wall that I'm very aware of at all times, and a reluctance to get too deeply involved for fear of being disappointed. But lately... I don't know, I've been having these dreams and thoughts about one day getting a call that he's in the hospital, or has had a heart attack, or cancer from smoking and then he's withered away and gone. And I get a pang when I think about it, because I want to love him and be close to him, but it's so fucking hard.

I wish things had been different. I wish my father had stayed in Canada while Mac and I were growing up instead of moving to the States and down to Florida. I wish my parents didn't despise each other (in my sophomore year of university, I had to forbid them both to talk to each other, because they were raising such hell and bitterness) And I wish I had someone around who understood what it's like to have a weird relationship with a distant father. I love Ascribe, but I know he doesn't really understand, and neither do a lot of my friends. Everyone I've known who had parental problems / father distance isn't around anymore for one reason or another.

I guess it is a hard thing to explain, how difficult a relationship that's supposed to be simple can be, or to harbor problems with an issue that everyone thought immature or resolved. Like my mother getting upset that I had "issues" stemming from my father because she'd worked so hard to provide a steady household with my stepfather.

Bah, it's so complicated. Weird to contemplate.

Current Mood: confused
12:58 pm
Allisa would be proud of me. *^_^*
Last night I attended my first sex toy party. *^_^* It's like a Tupperware party / Mary Kay thing except, well, with sex toys and novelties.

".00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000" - adds kitten Tora.

The thing that amazed me was how involved all the women were (there were about twenty in all) Especially my friends! They've all owned or tried vibrators and toys, and they all ordered more at the party! I had no idea. *^_^* I was actually embarassed because I had *no* experience with novelty sex items.

Now I'm thinking about it. *^_^* Couple things looked interesting. I couldn't get anything last night (dead-broke - I am) but I *do* have a bachelorette party in the works.

http://www.athenashn.com/webhtml/home.asp

Current Mood: giggly
12:47 pm
Interesting.... eight is a number that comes up often for me. Curious it's here too.


I am Strength

Strength represents patience and compassion. Getting angry is easy when events turn sour, but dealing calmly with frustration takes great strength. So does accepting others and forgiving mistakes. We need strength to mold situations softly. The Chariot controls through mastery and authority. Card 8 is more subtle, even loving. Notice how the lion (itself a symbol of strength) is being guided and tamed by the woman's gentle hands.

For a full description of your card and other goodies, please visit LearnTarot.com


What tarot card are you? Enter your birthdate.

Month: Day: Year:

Friday, January 23rd, 2004
1:24 pm
Some off-color humor to share and make me chuckle
From the deeply loved Bill Hicks, one of the sets that still cracks me up after months of hearing it:

"Fundamentalist Christianity - fascinating. These people actually believe that the the world is 12,000 years old. Swear to God. Based on what? I asked them. "Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added 'em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years."
Well how fucking scientific, okay. I didn't know that you'd gone to so much trouble. That's good. You believe the world's 12,000 years old?
"That's right."
Okay, I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready?
"Uh-huh."
Dinosaurs.
You know the world is 12,000 years old and dinosaurs existed, they existed in that time, you'd think it would have been mentioned in the fucking Bible at some point.
"And lo Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus... with a splinter in his paw. And O the disciples did run a shriekin': 'What a big fucking lizard, Lord!' But Jesus was unafraid and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw and the big lizard became his friend.
"And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch for O so many years inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat fucking families and their fat dollar bills.
"And oh Scotland did praise the Lord. Thank you Lord, thank you Lord. Thank you Lord."
Fundamentalist Christians believe the world is 12 thousand years old... I asked this guy, I said: "Come on, man, dinosaur fossils. What's the deal?" He goes, "God put those here to test our faith." "I think God put you here to test my faith, dude." Does that bother anyone, the idea that GOD might be fucking with our heads?! Anyone having trouble sleeping restfully with that thought in their head? God's running around burying fossils. "Ho, ho.. we'll see who believes in me now! Ho, ho, I'm a prankster God! I am killing me!" You know -- you die, you go to St. Peter. "Did you believe in dinosaurs?" "Well, yeah, there was fossils everywhere!"--*gunshot*--"Aaahhhh!" "What are you, and idiot? God was FUCKING with you!! Giant, flying, lizards -- you moron! That's one of God's EASIEST jokes!" "It seemed do plausible. AAAAHHHHHH!" Bound for the lake of fire."


*giggles*

Something I like to say now and again:

"We're a virus with shoes."

"Oh... where's the tower, where's the gun?? Where's the tower, where's the gun??"

And my favorite Bill Hicks dialogue of all:

"People who hate people, come together!"
"No!"
"But you're our strongest member!"
"Fuck off!"
"Damn, we almost had a meeting going on there."

Current Mood: bored
Wednesday, January 21st, 2004
8:18 pm
School has started up, and like clockwork, I'm depressed and exhausted. I feel like a big wimp (I could have it a lot worse) but already, my motivation is gone, and with that, comes listless melancholy. Feeling very disillusioned with myself and whatever I'm going to do after I graduate. Doubting my writing ability and whether I'm just deluding myself to hope that I might be able to make some kind of living at it.

I hate getting this way, becuase it's so difficult to pull myself out, especially lately. Most times, I can handle the depression as a "spell" and it lessens eventually with rest and distraction - this just.... sinks my entire chest down. Makes my forehead feel like it's sinking over my face. I miss people. I miss my family. The thought of not seeing them until May just makes me even worse. I miss Jodi - I want to be there for her right now. And dammit, I miss Lewis, and I'm ashamed of myself for missing him.

*sighs*

I need a good stiff drink. And some fucking motivation. *^_^*

Maybe the cards will reveal something.


Tarot Reading

1. Overall Situation: Queen of Pentacles R - the need to ground self, overmaterialistic direction in life, disappointment in the home, lack of focus

2. What's Influencing the Situation for Better or for Worse: Inanna R - Not following bliss, insecurity, feelings of unworthiness

3. Foundation of the Issue: Queen of Cups R - overwhelmed by emotions that need sorting, and the need to take control of them

4. In the Past: Eight of Cups R - Lingering too long in a difficult situation, uncertainty about a relationship

5. What's on my Mind: Princess of Swords - incisive movement, cutting through confusion and attaining focus

6. Near Future: Six of Staves R - Victory, acknowledgement and achievement

7. How the Situation is Influencing Me: Ukemochi - Transformation. The need to allow something to die in order to create room for hte new. Painful change that is necessary

8. Ways that may Help or Hinder: Eight of Swords - incapacitating depression, feeling victimized or entrapped by others

9. Hopes and Fears: Nyai Loro Kidul R - Freedom from temptation, mastery over something previously controlling

10. Possible Outcome: Lakshmi - The generosity of the universe, positive expectations, awareness of beauty and love



Well... that certainly kicked my ass. *^_^*

Current Mood: blank
Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
6:10 pm
Nice and dramatic **^_^**
An interesting result, I guess. *shrugs* Well, I can understand the "being blamed for a crime I didn't commit" line.




goodbroken
Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
one reason or another - possibly, you made one
tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
commit. In any case, you are faithless and
joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
days are a burden and you wonder when the
hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
picture. You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you
deeply and wish that they could do something to
ease your pain. You are constantly living in
memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
your tainted nature, your soul is
breathtakingly beautiful.


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
10:52 am
It's a year of new things:


My new status as married chick:




A new desk and private place for my art in the apartment:




A beautiful statue of Isis I got for Christmas from Ascribe, along with Bastet incense burner:




And a cat sitting in a plant:



Always fun to reflect with a digital camera. *^_^*

Eternal love to Jodi.
Saturday, January 17th, 2004
2:45 pm
My stepmother can fucking blow me.

She's not any form of mother, actually. She's a damn harpie vulture sucking my soul through the phone receiver.

*SLURP!*

Bleah.

FUCK YOU HARPY!

Current Mood: pissed off
Friday, January 16th, 2004
7:17 pm
I Am A: Chaotic Good Elf Ranger Thief


Alignment:
Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.


Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.


Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.


Secondary Class:
Thieves are the most roguish of the classes. They are sneaky and nimble-fingered, and have skills with traps and locks. While not all use these skills for burglary, that is a common occupation of this class.


Deity:
Solonor Thelandria is the Chaotic Good elven god of archery and the hunt. He is also known as the Keen Eye, the Great Archer, and the Forest Hunter. His followers respect nature, and only hunt when needed, but are quick to defend the forest from intruders. Their favorite weapon is the bow, and they tend to be extremely talented with it. Solonor Thelandria's symbol is an arrow with green fletchings.


Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

5:32 pm
As vacation winds down
Next week, school begins, my last semester before I graduate. Seems a long time coming, but then again, I am about a year behind where I should be, due to transfer credit bullshit and the like. Still, in four months, I'll have a Bachelors. And there's a good chance I'm going to go for my Master's in Creative Writing in a while, as soon as Michael gets his teacher certification.

We're already talking about what we're going to do on his summers off. :-) So far, post "honeymoon", the next venture will probably be an oldfashioned backpack through Europe. He wants to see Italy the most - has a lot of family there. I'd love to
revisit Spain and just about any place I can get to. Though I could do without London. *grins* Been there, done that. I just hope I'm in a somewhat freelance / flexible work position where we'll have the option of taking off a bit every year and go exploring - that's the goal anyways.

Right now I'm learning Japanese. I've become the official organizer of the March 2005 trip, aka extended honeymoon with two friends coming along for the ride! *grins* I figured one of us needs to be able to converse, and I've always wanted to learn! So I am. I have a little notebook and some language textbooks and I study a few times a week. I'm onto numbers, telling time and introducing people. *^_^*

I've also figured out the general transportation there, how to get around, where we'll end up going (at the least, Toyko, Kyoto, and Osaka) and a good idea of where we'll stay the first night in Tokyo when we're confused and jet-lagged: I found a place called the Sakura Hotel that's specifically for gaijin (foreigners) I figure the first day, we're going to be jet-lagged and messed up, so we'll need easier accomodations plus some English speaking availability.

After Sakura Hotel, we'll go on to the more interesting ryokan (traditional inns) and the like. There should be a sumo tournament and a geisha festival around that time, plus it's the start of the cherry blossom season.

Even with the planning and the general anticipation, there's part of me that's scared, like when I'll get there, my balloon will deflate, so to speak. I've dreamt about Japan a lot, both in day and night. Even recently, my dreams have veered in that direction, various scenarios. I suppose in a way, since I've always loved Japanese culture so much, I want to "blend in" and I know I won't.

*shrugs* I don't know, hard to describe. Michael says I'm thinking too much, so I'll stop now. *^_^* Still a long ways away. I gotta deal with the frickin' wedding first. *^_^* Bleah, I'd just as soon elope. But maybe, just maybe, the "Chinese beach party" wedding that's being planned will be cool, more like a big family party than a for-mal thing.

Say what? Chinese beach party? Oh yes! *g*

Current Mood: curious
1:59 pm
owl
Your soul is bound to the Fourth Totem, Solomon:
The Owl
.

Solomon appears as an azure feathered owl. He
embodies wisdom, judgement, reason, and
stability
. He is associated with the color
azure, the season of autumn, and the element of
water. His downfall is farsightedness.

You are most compatible with Ravens and Monkeys.


Which Animal Spirit Totem Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Thursday, January 15th, 2004
9:45 pm
Well, well
Not only references my being Canadian.... but my romantic interest will be played by my husband's most hated actor!!!

DAAAAAAAMN!


Phairalore in Rebel Without Applause
In this heart-stopping travesty, phairalore (Helen Hunt) is a Canadian marine with a less than relevant background. She needs to get to ascribe (Martin Lawrence) before her archenemy, ladydogstar (Lucy Liu), reaches him. After equipping herself with lots of guns, she attempts a break-in at an underground caravan, twenty-two days too late. You'll be tired of this movie before the first shot rings out.
Produced by ianiceboy
Wednesday, January 14th, 2004
11:28 am
Yay Allisa!!
Hurray! One of my old friends from Windsor is now on LJ!

Allisa, l8ty_velvet, or as I usually refer to her, Mother Goddess. *^_^* Fantastic woman. Super smart and strong. My role in her life was to make sure she chilled once in a while, she was always so busy!

I just wanted to say that I'm SO HAPPY to see you, Allis. You're so awesome.

Current Mood: bouncy
Saturday, January 10th, 2004
3:04 pm
Getting political
Just read this article in the news:

"Palestinians will give up their goal of independence and push instead for a single Arab-Jewish state if Israel carries out its threat to unilaterally impose a new boundary with Palestinian areas, the Palestinian premier said Thursday.

A single country including Gaza, the West Bank and Israel would spell disaster for the Jewish state because the country would soon have an Arab majority. That would force Israel to choose between giving Palestinians the right to vote and risk losing the country's Jewish character, or becoming a minority-ruled country like apartheid South Africa."

What a bunch of fuckers. And by that, I mean the Israeli government. Worried that there's "too many Arabs" and it'll mess up their little state. The Palestinians were there before the Zionist immigration! They have every right to live on that land as anyone else!

BEFORE CONTINUING, NECESSARY NOTE TO CLARIFY: I AM NOT AN ANTI-SEMITE, I AM AN ANTI-ZIONIST. PLEASE DON'T CONFUSE THE TWO.

I've actually done a lot of research on the Arab-Israeli conflict, and it still baffles me why, exactly, in a US / UK supported state (which suggests democracy / separation of church and state) the entire state of Israel is based on laws based on religious text. Not historical, not even political, it's using the Bible / Old Testament as "proof" that the Jewish believers have a right to the area known as Israel. And it's that policy that's driven the state to be created in the first place, overtop an already EXISTING state known as Palestine, fueled by centuries of ill treatment of Jewish people and fanned into flame by the Holocaust.

That's what gets me. Not that Jewish people want their own state - I can hardly blame them after all the discrimination. It's the fact that Israel was bullied into existence over Palestine and all the people living there, and Palestine had no say in the whole matter because they were British-ruled. Jesus, how would anyone feel, living in a country, and suddenly hearing: "Hey, this religious group of people claim they have a right to this land, so move your family, lose your home and all your land, because they're going to establish a new country, take over your property, and start a government that doesn't favor you in the least."

Problem is, this whole mess is so far gone, over a hundred years in the making, that it's near impossible to go back and start over. To divide the country equally into Israel and Palestine will now uproot Jewish families from their land and cause mass chaos. To do that will also, as the article said, provide the means to have an access of Arab population and minimize the influence of the Jewish state. Anything less than half and half, especially when it comes to Palestine and the paultry 22% of land Israel's "claiming" to free up to Palestinian refugees, and it seems unfair. And then there's the whole matter of Jerusalem and who gets to claim it.....

Currently, I'm doing research for a potential paper on why the US is so supportive of Israel in the first place. Did you know the US sends 3 billion to Israel every year, and almost all of the arms and weaponry used by the Israeli Defense comes from the US? Why is that? Especially in a country that so staunchly reinforces the whole separation of church and state (see the whole Ten Commandments fiasco) how can the US support a religious-based state so strongly? Some say it's Christian sympathy for the Jewish condition - how does this tie in with everything else, especially in a country so multi-faceted as the States?

Such answers, I hope, I'll find out.
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